Low self-confidence or low self-esteem?

If you take anything away from this article, it should be that confidence is not the same as self-esteem. A person can have high confidence and low self-esteem, or high self-esteem and low confidence. How so?

Confidence

Confidence derives from the Latin word fidere - this means to trust.

Confidence is skills-based. Confidence can be practiced and learnt. It is not about who you are, but about your practical abilities. Your confidence in yourself is about your trust and belief in your capabiltiies, skills and knowledge.

Self-esteem

Esteem derives from the Latin word aestimare, which means to appraise, value, rate, weigh, or estimate.

Self-esteem is about how you see yourself; the feelings and thoughts you hold about yourself. Self-esteem is your judgment of your value and worth, regardless of your skills and abilities. High self-esteem is your ability to say "I still hold myself in high regard despite of the mistake I made".

The 'athlete example'

An athlete can have very high confidence but very low self-esteem. They may believe in their ability to run well (high self-confidence), yet at the same time not like themselves very much (low self-esteem).

Working on self-esteem and confidence

Working on both self-esteem and self-confidence is important, because when we are lacking in these areas, it can snowball into anxiety (Generalised Anxiety Disorders GAD)), depression, low mood, fear of abandonment, stress and sadness.

Increasing your self-confidence can be straightforward and easy as it is about practicing a specific skillset. If you want to increase your confidence in yourself, focus work on developing an expertise. Being able to speak with certainty and assertiveness on a topic, or perform a skill, you feel notice a high sense of confidence in yourself. Confidence doesn’t always arrive with a bold entrance. Sometimes, it builds quietly, step by step, as we show up for ourselves day after day. Confidence isn’t about having all the answers — it’s about trusting that you can figure it out along the way. Whether you’re working toward a personal milestone or a professional dream, progress comes from showing up — not perfectly, but persistently. Action creates clarity, and over time, those steps forward add up to something real.

Improving your self-esteem can be complicated and may require some help from a psychotherapist. This is because childhood work may need to be done; inner healing work. Self-esteem starts very young, in childhood experiences and what you learnt about who you are, about your worth and value - which you would have depended on your parents to guide you on. Nurturing parents cultivate high self-esteem in their children. Their children receive support and praise and believe that the world is a safe place for them to exist in - and there is an important position for the child in the world. Eventually, this sense of self continues into adulthood and dictates how the person values themselves.